Happy as I am

Firstly, before it gets serious, don’t forget to enter my Allied Medal Display/MedalHangers.com giveaway!

So, as I mentioned a while back, I was following a meal plan to lose some body fat aka. get lean this summer. I was a CHAMP for 6 weeks straight, followed my plan exactly, got in my workouts and was feeling awesome. Somewhere after those 6 weeks I flew off the deep end. It’s like treat central every weekend. WHY. It’s to the point where I don’t even want or enjoy these treats anymore, I just have them because they’re there, and I know I better eat it before I decide I can’t anymore. This is a mental thing I’ve struggled with for YEARS. It’s a lot more of an issue when I am trying to follow a meal plan. Usually, if I want something, I have it, and that’s that. I don’t have to obsess about it for 4 days in anticipation of a “cheat” meal. Stupid term.

ANYWAY, the point is, this morning I took some progress pictures to get a good look at the damage. Talk about a wake up call. I certainly undid whatever I had done in those first 6 weeks. I. Was. Bummed. All day long I just felt defeated. Am I upset because I didn’t get the results from the work I didn’t do? No. I am upset because I sabotaged myself for no reason. NO REASON. All day I just felt gross. I felt embarrassed by my body. So embarrassed in fact, that I didn’t go to the gym this morning like I usually do. I just felt swollen and unfit and blah. The truth is, (I didn’t want to tell you like this), but I was/am following this meal plan for a photoshoot I have booked in August. A goal I have had my heart set on since I started this blog. So, after my horrible progress picture scenario, naturally, I started looking around the internet at a million fitness models, thinking about how far I was from ever resembling anything like these girls. I started to think about how I had absolutely no business getting in front of a camera. And then and I found a crazy altered image of Karena and Katrina.

Clearly someone (who should not quit their day job) decided to botch the beautiful ladies of Tone It Up with their version of “photoshopping.” Not only did they seem to think that their waists and thighs were too big, but apparently even Katrina’s ELBOW needed a slim down? I think I speak for women everywhere when I say…WHAT IN THE EFF?

No wonder I hate my body after too much baba ghanouj. Because it will NEVER be perfect. No matter how flawless you think someone is, there will always be someone who thinks they just aren’t perfect enough. And with that I realized that it just doesn’t matter. My bloated body can run marathons just as well as my non-bloated one. My body can do “man” push-ups. 50 straight with ease. My body can run a 48 minute 10k. My body can get better, faster and stronger, everyday, and never, ever, will anyone judge it for that.

So with determination, and a bit of anger, I slammed my computer shut, I ended my pity party, and I marched to the gym. For two straight hours, I worked on getting better, faster and stronger. I left that gym feeling restored. I am reminded that I don’t just eat clean and stay fit to look a certain way, I do it do feel amazing from the inside out. And that is far, FAR more significant. So I will get in front of that camera in August, and while I won’t look anything like Karena and Katrina above, I will look like the healthy, happy, strong, balanced woman that I am. Flaws and all.




  1. Danielle says:

    I can definitely empathize with this! But it took me 6 months of health problems and bad digestion to get over my interest in looking like ‘that’. For over a year I was incredibly strict with what I ate and even nervous to eat so-called bad foods. Though I may have been thin I was lacking muscle and was unhappy amongst other health problems. I may not be exercising as intensely as I used to (favouring hiking and pilates over multiple intense workout sessions a week) but I feel so much better and look so much healthier! Also enjoy my food so much more while still eating very cleanly. It was a struggle to get here and sometimes I read other blogs and question if I should be doing ‘more’. It’s important to remember what makes you feel your best! That and the terrible existence of photoshop!

    PS. I hope you do the photo shoot anyways! 🙂

  2. aliyabear says:

    You WILL look amazing regardless – you already do! It’s difficult when the pity party begins and you start comparing yourself to others. It makes it easy to forget what you’ve already accomplished. I’m glad you got through it 🙂

    Can’t wait to see your amazing pictures!!!

  3. Danielle says:

    Very inspiring post–you will rock your photoshoot in August!

  4. YEAH!!!! I LOVE this. Good for you. I have learned to stop paying attention to what the media / ad world portrays as the “norm”. I have days where I feel fat and gross and I whine and complain but ultimately, I am grateful for the wonder that is my body. Focusing on all the things it CAN do is more than enough to make me happy. 😀

  5. Wow, I love this post. You look fantastic now, and as long as you feel strong, and beautiful, that is all that matters. because YOU. ARE. You go girl!

  6. just remember that those fitness models were not BORN that way, they were MADE so they started out at point zero. everyone has a point zero and work up to where they are now.

    never compare yourself! the point is that you’re taking control of your situation and doing something about it which is more than what a lot of people can say.

    keep it up and keep going!

  7. I spent way too many years hating my body and striving to be “perfect”. People always commented on how “tiny” I was, so I wanted to stay that way because “tiny” became my identity. If I slipped and ate too much, I would feel like I’d failed myself. What had I failed? The test to avoid eating a few more calories than my self-imposed limit? Now I eat mostly clean, I indulge if there is something I want and if my tummy looks a little softer than some ridiculous ideal, I don’t sweat it. I am so happy you’re making the decision to make peace with your strong, rockin’ bod. If you ever feel like a healthy lunch at Thrive, I’m only a text away 🙂